There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
