we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
