just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
