I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
