dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dick very happy bro
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
