Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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