hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
