My sheets look like a crime scene.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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