she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
