We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
