You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
