Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
