Sponge bath it is.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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