Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
