Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
