I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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