Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
