Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
