quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
