I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
