You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
