Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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