Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
