i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
