R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
