C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
