if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
