The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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