If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
