Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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