Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think I am morally bankrupt
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
