There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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