In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
