I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
