You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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