We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
