Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
