where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
