I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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