there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
