we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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