About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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