did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
