I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
