I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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