The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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