wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
