I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
