That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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