I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
