No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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