he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The ass gains better be worth it
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