We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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