I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
