There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
