I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
