I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
