you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
