would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
